Discovery

The Danger of Italian Restaurants

Dave Arns

One bright afternoon in the spring of the year,
I took out my family to eat;
With such an enormous selection of spots,
Choosing was not a small feat.
At last we decided: Italian it was,
And the restaurant had opened just recently;
We decided to go in and give it a shot,
And see if they fixed their food decently.

Once seated and reading the menu, I froze:
"Surely," I thought, "This can't be!"
I looked around, wild-eyed, at customers' plates,
Resisting a strong urge to flee.
Two items I'd seen on the menu, I knew,
If combined, would be terribly deadly.
I desperately tried to settle my breathing,
And force my wild heart to beat steadily.

The danger, you see, is most serious indeed,
For the eater and others as well:
Enormous explosions, with high radiation,
Could a knowledge of science foretell.
Explosions so big they could flatten a town --
Reduce it to a smouldering crater --
Its molten-glass sides just a hint of the heat
That won't cool until days or weeks later.

"Don't these people know physics?" I thought
in my grief,
While pond'ring the coming destruction --
The cooks just plowed on and obliviously worked
Maintaining their rate of production --
"These people can't see that the energy flash
Will be a deathblow to the nation!"
For, of course, mixing pasta and antipasta
Would result in complete annihilation!

Dave Arns